Ebola Worsens as the Media Lies


obolaObama abandoned a fundraiser to address the issue.

Today began a long string of running jokes about how shit must be hitting the fan in regards to the ebola epidemic, as the president actually cancelled his appearance at a fundraiser to speak directly on the subject, live, in front of the nation. The fact that he continued to echo the same largely disproven claims made by the CDC and others was apparent, although it should be enough for him to convince his remaining supporters not to abandon his political party for leaving the borders open during a crisis now approaching pandemic levels.

We actually saw, as well, the resurfacing of the CIDRAP document proclaiming that ebola was likely transmissible via aerosols – apparently, it went viral on twitter, and was immediately disclaimed by the University of Minnesota, which claimed it was essentially a hoax, even though a casual review of their actual report shows that it does, indeed, proclaim ebola likely to be aerosol borne. We’re also learning just now that nurses at the Dallas hospital went without protective gear for protracted periods, despite CDC assurances that we were absolutely ready for an outbreak.


Proper gear for an ebola ward – gear not given to anyone in an ebola ward, for some odd reason.

We also know now that a second Dallas nurse has ebola – and although the media largely overlooked it, a few sites reported the truth, that she was symptomatic while traveling on a commercial airliner, leading the CDC to beg anyone who had been on it to call them. Honestly, at this point, why would anyone even bother, since they’ve been wrong in their response and their public statements consistently for months?

So now there are over one hundred people wandering around the nation that might have been exposed to ebola, and we only have a handful of isolation wards equipped for this specific type of virus – which continues to burn through Africa in an unparalleled orgy of death. Now, the UN is warning that we have sixty days to contain it before everything is overwhelmed – but that sixty days actually started on October 1st, so really we have 45 days to contain the epidemic before it explodes across the world- perhaps if this happens, people might finally realize how close to the edge of disaster we all are.


Ebola can cause your flesh to rupture and burst.

Unfortunately, reports that Bono had contracted ebola turned out to be a hoax. In happier news, we learned that Obama apparently hugged and kissed nurses who had been treating one of the ebola afflicted doctors at Emory Hospital – so we know our president has a good head on his shoulders and thinks about the consequences of his actions.

Don’t worry though, Obama assures us that the borders will stay open, so if you want to go to Africa for your holiday, it’s perfectly alright, even though most of the public probably dislikes the idea.

6 thoughts on “Ebola Worsens as the Media Lies”

  1. Turbo says:

    Well it is like those edgy people say; if you gave all of the world leaders AIDS a cure would be found in a day. I hope Obama stops eating Hot Pockets long enough to get scientists who aren’t fuckwits on the job.

    I think the next article should be about how smart /pol/acks can avoid infection. Besides associating with no one, that’s the easy one.

  2. Polaski Durden says:

    Is this site NSA/CIA/FBI honeypot?

  3. Anon says:

    While I agree with most articles here, the use of ” an unparalleled orgy of death” and the fifth and sixth paragraphs seem more as sensationalism instead of ‘just the facts, ma’am’ I want from clickbait weary pollacks.

    1. Anonymous says:

      I think he’s just being humorous.

  4. Anonymous says:

    >Unfortunately, REPORTS that Bono had contracted ebola turned out to be a hoax

    God fucking damn it.

  5. Anonymous says:




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