Jeb Bush: More Lame Mule than Dark Horse

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As we all woke up today to our morning routine of increasingly GMO packed coffee and other necessary capitalist goods, most of us (courtesy of the internet) were immediately aware that Jeb Bush was preparing to release a massive dump of emails from his time as Governor. This almost instantly led to speculation that he was either considering, or had decided upon, a run for the presidency. His mother (the wisest Bush) had previously told people she hoped he wouldn’t do this, but apparently “came around” to the idea after much goading by the entire Bush clan.

Honestly I can’t decide which I think is worse – that Hillary Clinton would continue that specific family dynasty and bring back the mobster style days of assassinations, domestic sieges against Waco style groups, and various sexual foibles, or that Jeb will get in somehow and bring back the dumb days of Bushisms and unbridled debt expansion.

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Ham slab Jeb Bush.

Already people feel a sort of malaise – they want a candidate worth voting for, and it’s fairly clear that the right doesn’t want Jeb any more than the left wants Hillary – they’ve both been supplanted by usually younger, more modernistic people within their respective parties, but Karl Rove and the Kochs strongly support neoconservatives like Jeb (who are easily controlled by money) and the bankers absolutely fawn for Hillary, who is predictable and would never rock the fiscal boat, allowing another massive bubble at the public’s expense, just like Bill did.

Hillary Clinton testifies

Human-vulture hybrid Hillary Clinton.

The two party system will probably end up defunct if Jeb and Hillary end up the respective candidates, because it will show to all Americans that the two parties have weighed the value of the nation against that of their own dishonest days’ profit and found us all worth less than nothing. “The third time’s the charm” cry the jubilant hawks, as they prepare to king yet another Bush, who will once again pretend to be a ruralistic small town average man, while having been raised and educated in the rich white suburbs of New England. “Two’s company!” will shout overjoyed Clintonian dixiecrats, as they completely ignore the growing libertarian left as well as even the progressive urbanites that have funded and bankrolled them as well as any major bank has, as they usher in a return of the 1990s, only this time with a weaker middle class and no Reagan to stymy government expansionism so they can actually afford the kind of social programs they’re so fond of.

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Political theater is not supposed to be political soap opera.

The idea that Jeb Bush represents the modern GOP constituency is about as pointless as the claims of some that Hillary Clinton would represent women’s rights, despite her legendary jokes about child rape back when she was an attorney – but the RNC and DNC seem not to be listening to criticism these days. Dreams of Rand Paul reforming the GOP or some liberty-minded Democrat taking the reigns on the other side appear to be quickly dying as two blind, deaf, and dumb parties abandon all sense and make our lives more difficult so they can keep rolling in sweet, sweet banker cash.

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The chance of party reform is getting more distant – we may have to wait until 2020.

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